Tuesday, July 9, 2013

#blogitjuly What Is The Oddest Thing You Have Seen In Real Life?

I'm fairly certain I've seen some pretty odd things, but this is the first thing that sprang (this choice of word is pretty darn funny):

Okay, my best friend Jeanne and I were out partying and dancing and partying and um, doing all kinds of legal things. It was late but we weren't tired so we decided to get donuts or bagels or something and go to the lake and watch the sunrise. This was a LONG time ago. L.O.N.G. Time ago. Like pre-history. Okay?

So we do this. We buy the food we go to the lake we lay a blanket on the ground and we wait for the sun to rise and we chat. And then a guy walks by and plops himself down behind us on our blanket. Weird, right? Well, we're in a love-thy-neighbor kind of mood and simply smile at him and turn back to watch the sunrise.

And then out of the corner of my eye I see him doing something with his hand--I forgot to tell you he had one of those knife holsters on his belt with a KNIFE in the holster*.

*(I know "holster" is the wrong word for it, but it's what I've got for a descriptive and you'll have to live with it).

Okay--so there's a knife and he's doing something with his hand. And I start to think to myself, "Self, he's behind you and he has a knife and even though you love everyone, he might not love you...and he's doing something with his hand."

So, I turn around, aaaannnddd it's not the knife he has in his hand it's his PENIS!!!

I am not even kidding.

So I do the smart thing, I jump up and say in one of those quiet yell(y) shaming voices, "PUT that thing back in your pants and get OUT of here!" Pointing emphatically in the direction of "out."

Jeanne looks around with a "what?" nearly out of her mouth when she sees the offending appendage and then she herself jumps up. We gather our things shake out the blanket and storm off, but I'm happy in the knowledge that the knife wielding masturbator has been thwarted. I know he wasn't actually wielding the knife, but he could have been--it was a possibility.

My best friend and I made it home safely and it wasn't until the next day (well, technically it was already the next day, but you know what I mean) that I realized yelling at him was either the smartest thing I could have done or the most incredibly stupid thing in the whole wide world I could have done!

But it sure did make a good story.

What's the oddest thing you've seen?







4 comments:

  1. Okay, this is hilarious, but reading the tags underneath the post actually made me laugh out loud.

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    1. Hahaha...for some reason, I never read the tags after I make them, and I didn't know they were alphabetized, so it's definitely the order of the words for me!

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  2. Oh. My. God. This is just... unbelievable. That's all there is to it. Ahhhhhhhh. YOU WIN DAY #9!!!

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    1. Renee, your reply made me laugh out loud! Thanks.

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