Thursday, December 8, 2011


Not my main character's age.
Here's where all the details are and a list of contestants -- check it out.
Brenda Drake's blog
We post the first 250 words of our manuscript -- no title or genre -- get feedback from other contestants and anyone else who'd like to comment. Then make changes and send it back to Brenda's blog by the 10th.

I sort of forgot, okay okay, I completely forgot I was doing this, so, per usual by the seat of my pants I fly in.

So, can you guess -- does it seem right? Etc, etc, etc.

            I was almost alone in the attic bedroom, only the sound of Aurora’s eight copper legs skittering in the eaves to keep me company. My foster sisters were performing in the production tonight, so they would not be along for another few hours.
I shifted my feet on the battered and wobbly sewing stool and fitted my distance goggles over my eyes. I didn’t care for the theatre, I only cared for the corner of the Mississippi River I could spy from my bedroom window.
A fluttering in my stomach wanted to make its way up to my chest, it wanted to coil there and burst into something new. Movement on the river caught my attention, but it was only a paddled steam ship. Besides, my sight belonged above the river, where an AirPirate ship would fly. One day soon, I would see the Airship captained by the pirate who was responsible for my parents’ deaths.
If only I knew what I would do after I spied the ship. I could blow him up, I could tinker a bomb and blow he and his ship apart. No, I wanted to see his face, and he mine.
Except, I wanted to pull away from the window, why? Wasn’t that where I’d see something exciting? I looked away from the window anyway, and the room was all wrong. I had a vision, or…maybe I had left my distance goggles on. Idiot! I pushed them up my forehead, still feeling the tug to leave the attic. 


  1. Based on the mention of sisters it seems she lives with, and parents, and the fact that she's spying on the river, I'd guess an older teen. I suppose an adult could spy too, but the mentioning of somehow tinkering a bomb, without any specifics on how she would do that, seems like how a teen thinks--not always very concretely.

    And I want to read more, now! That Aurora with her eight copper legs--very intriguing... :)

  2. 16? YA fantasy?

    I like the 8 copper leg image...very interesting. A comment about writing: many of your sentences are a joining of two phrases. THis isn't bad per se, but it sucks away some of the tension you're trying to create.

    Also, I found this sentence a bit awkward/forced: "A fluttering in my stomach wanted to make its way up to my chest, it wanted to coil there and burst into something new."

    Otherwise, sounds interesting--air pirates? arachnids wiht a name? ;) Good luck and keep writing!

  3. I'm guessing 16-17. I'm intrigued by Aurora too :)

  4. I'm going with 16. Great voice, and a lot of the little details were really intriguing!

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  6. Edited to fix a typo. O_o That's what I get for posting this before I reread it. Trying again:

    Ooh, this sounds like a really cool world. Steampunkish? Between Aurora (sounds really neat) and the mention of Airships and pirates. :D I like it. :D I also like the mention of foster sisters--makes me curious about this person's family. (I'm inclined to think it's a girl, but it could be a boy.)

    I'd guess the age at maybe fifteen or sixteen.

    One quick edit: I could tinker a bomb and blow he and his ship apart. --This should be "blow him and his ship apart" not "he and his ship apart". :)

    I'm curious about what happens next!

  7. Heather, the sentence should sound awkward, I changed it right before I hit POST. It's not thought out. It's funny, I'm always being accused of writing too long of sentences, so, I'm trying to change that, clearly, not doing it well!
    Thanks for the comments.

  8. 1000th.monkey -- I'm giggling from your moniker, thanks for the comment and stopping by.

    Francesca, thank you. Sometimes we look at our writing so much, none of it even seems like our words anymore.

  9. Laura, thanks -- you are so right, I'll be changing that! Thanks for stopping by.

  10. You've got a lot going on here. I'd guess about 20.


  11. well done - is it sci fic?? not sure - I'd say 16. Good age for revenge :D

  12. I'm intrigued! I'd guess 15??

  13. Denise, thanks for stopping by -- err, does that mean it's too much stuff going on?

    Sue, thanks for stopping by and your comment.

    Julia, thank you.

  14. Um ... so I'm really at a loss here! I seriously have no sense whatsoever of our MC's age! I guess I have to pass on my guess because I'm clueless. :)

  15. Honestly, you've got me stumped. I'm thinking maybe 15???? I agree with the other comments about some of the sentence structure. It is an intriguing story. Steampunk???

  16. I'm guessing 18? Very intriguing story and good characterization!

    Thanks for checking out my blog. I'm following you now ;)

  17. Thanks for stopping by Emi.

    Jenny, thanks to you too! I realllly need to look at my sentence structure.

    Kristy, you're welcome, thanks for stopping by!

  18. I'm guessing 17 because the MC wants revenge and I think that involves being an older teen. I love the start of this and would definitely read on :)

  19. Thanks Crystal -- and thanks for stopping by.

  20. Yay, steampunk. I think you have a great olden days teen voice going here. Probably about 17 years old. Cool story so far.